Thursday, August 12, 2010

Modern Day Huck Finns

A local paper ran this picture a few weeks ago when Chicago's suburbs were badly flooded. Besides being a terrible predicament in terms of damage and financial ruin, I love how absurdly Finnish these guys looks. Their 'boat' looks nothing more than a unhinged door. Their 'paddles' literally fallen tree branches. Their pants are set to 'flood' (bitterly ironic) and their hair is set to, well, however teens in the western burbs set their hair. Throw in a couple colorful euphemisms for black people (by the looks of their hair styles alone, these euphemisms are not foreign to the lads, he conjectures) and you have a word picture Mark Twain himself couldn't resist mulling over. Maybe they're on their way to assist stray pets stranded on a Lord of the Flies meets Animal Farm highway median, or to grandmother's submerged retirement home, or quite possibly to check on the condition of the beloved Old Mill. For who will ferment the cider come Falltime if The Old Mill becomes dangerously waterlogged? Regardless, these ragamuffins are making due in a shitty situation. Speaking of The Situation; eat something, boys! Why are these guys so effing skinny? I'm not all for plumping up Americans for winter, but don't pubescent hormones make you hungry like a mofo? Once you get to grandmother's, boys, please make yourself a BP&J or pop a Worther's: nutrients must remain sustainable throughout your Oregon Trail of a journey home. But if grandma and all her penny candy's been washed away, there's always that median. Here's hoping Piggy was actually a piggy and just just an allegorical waste of empty calories and conch shells.

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