Saturday, March 22, 2008

Master(bator) of the House

During "Master of the House" at the March 16th 1PM performance of Les Miserables, a male patron received a hand job from a female patron in the first row. The perpetrators would have gone unnoticed (if that's humanly possible in the first row of a theatre-in-the-round) had the performers not spotted the pulsating coat strewn across the young man's lap during Act One's rousing ensemble number. The distracted & repulsed actors inform House Management who, in turn, alerted Hotel Security who, in turn, apprehended the young masturbators. When questioned, they maintain they were "text messaging" (or whateverthedevil children call it these days). Yeah..."text messaging"...across your armrest...over your boyfriend's crotch...under his coat...during a live performance...in the first row. ::slaps forehead:: Awesome. Oh yeah, did I mention the young man was with his family? His parents & both sets of grandparents. ::slaps forehead:: Even more awesome. Never a dull moment at America's Top Hotel Destination!

Cum for the show!
Stay for its climax!TM

3 comments:

A to the S said...

.... i don't get people. good use of puns.

Michelle said...

I have many, many reactions to this post:

1. I second Anna's compliment on your puns.

2. Also for "Master(bator) of the House." (I see what you did there.)

3. I have to wonder why the guy was getting so horny during that song? I mean, I could maybe see getting a little worked up after "Lovely Ladies," but "Master of the House"? Creepy.

4. Live performance + first row + theatre in the motherfucking round + parents and grandparents mere feet away? You sort of have to admire them for taking the risk despite all the "danger" factors.

5. But...even if they HAD gotten away with it, it's still kind of a lame situation. Like, could you see this guy bragging to his friends?

Guy: Dude, it was so awesome - my girlfriend totally jerked me off in public yesterday!
Friend: Oh man, that's so hot! Where were you guys??
Guy: We went to see "Les Mis," with my family, you know? And get this - she did it RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SHOW!
Friend: Dude...you got jerked off during a musical?
Guy: Fuck yeah!
Friend: Isn't that kind of like, gay?
Guy: Naw, man. No WAY, man. I mean, there's like a WAR in that show. It's totally cool.
Friend: I mean, I GUESS...and you said your family was there?
Guy: Yeah! Even BOTH sets of grandparents! And they never suspected a thing!
Friend: Uh...cool...

Bottom line, it's just awkward.

William said...

You totally nailed the butchness of it from my childhood. I tried to convince myself "Les Miz" was manly because of the guns & war. Alas, it's a Tony Award winning operetta, thus making it a First Sign. Get the Homocil ready!