Saturday, January 12, 2008

Socratea in the Exorrhizouse

Trees could sneak into your home & uproot your children.
"No way, man."

They could easily stroll down your street & tip over your garbage cans on garbage day.
"You're bluffing."

What's more, I hear they're on their way to Washington to overturn the Bush administration & turn a new leaf by forming a canopied executive branch.
"ENOUGH MALARKEY!!! WHAT'S WITH THE PUNS!?!"

Chill out, but beware, for it is true. Trees are scarier than I originally had feared (and believe me, those original levels were high). I first learned about such deciduous perils over the summer in Hunter. The Rude Mechanicals, fresh & raw outta Austin, Texas, recently took a trip to Central America to research a fictional acting coach/guru (if I had a dime....). Whilst there, their adventures led them upon the exotic & undoubtedly life-threatening socratea exorrhiza, or walking palm. These trees' stilt roots "enable it to slowly shift position, up to 1 meter a year to get more sunlight."

WALKING TREES??? FOR REAL!!??


Less scary, though, is the time it would take for the palms to overtake the States.


Beware, Chicagoans in 704 years! Secure your futuristic trash receptacles! Protect your futuristic governments! Hide your futuristic children! The walking palms strike Chicago in the year 2712!

1 comment:

A to the S said...

it's okay will. i think it's more like 2,700,000 years... if it's sunny everyday.