Sunday, November 18, 2007

Omigod U Guyz

I was able to sleep beside my handsome hunk of a boyfriend for the first time in two weeks last evening. During a warm night which should have been filled with lusty thoughts of ripped Aussie Bum underwear models & said boyfriend's new cartilage piercing, my thoughts ran astray & spun towards the darkest region of my soul.

A nightmare, if you will.

I dreamt, if one dares to call such visions merely part of a dream, that I was a performing understudy for the Broadway musical, Legally Blonde.

Yes, Legally Blonde.

Take it in.

It was the nightmare all performers dread; thrown into a performance without knowing the material. Not only did my dream persona not know the choreography, lyrics, scene & costume changes, or simply melodies, but my real-life persona does not either.

It was horrid. First I got wedged between one of David Rockwell's moving set pieces & the proscenium, thus proving that even in dreams, my belly gets in the way. Then I half-assed my way through that "Is He Gay?" song (or whatever its annoying title really is) after tripping leading man Christian Borle with my ill-fitting costume (the guy I understudied was far svelter than I). Finally, I improvised a dance moment with two purple & pink 8"x10" American flags.

As kooky as Jerry Mitchell's choreography may be, I highly doubt he envisioned a flag wavin' ribbon dancer highlighting the show's emotional arch.

Luckily Sam's 300lb upstairs neighbor found it necessary to clod around his apartment.

Next to grilled cheese, chocolate milk, Noodles & Co., & jerking off*, waking up is the best.
*though not necessarily at the same time


Anonymous said...

You are disturbed. Seriously, like, I mean. . . do they have medication for musicaltheatreitis? Seriously, this strike needs to end soon so you can get back to a (semi-)sane state.

William said...



A to the S said...

i knew those favorites before you wrote them. 'cause we're BFFs.

Taylor said...

I swear, you're a Legally Blonde fan when the shades are drawn, the lights are low, and nobody is looking.

I swear.