Monday, October 22, 2007

"The Sword in the Stone" Aside....

Female cartoon squirrels are lesbians.
Case in point: Slappy Squirrel from the Emmy Award winning animated series, Animaniacs.
A crotchety, butch, Paula Poundstonesque spinster who takes care of her adolescent nephew, Skippy Squirrel. If TV & film have taught me anything it's lesbians take care of children who are not they're own, especially their tragically deceased brother's/sister's child with "no one left to go to." Slappy's aged singleness obviously stems from the night Brenda the Bi Curious Bark Squirrel rejected Slappy's forward sexual advances, thus hurling the dejected Slappy into a life of bitter, tree-bound lesbian solitude.

Female cartoon squirrels are lesbians.
Case in point: Sandy Cheeks from the award winning animated series, SpongeBob SquarePants.
Sandy Cheeks is nothing more than that obnoxious new neighbor who always talks about how different/better their old hometown was. Fortunately, Sandy is from Texas so we all know she's spewing nothing but filthy don't-mess-with-me lies. Have you ever stopped to think why Sandy left the lone star state to live fathoms below the surface? Apparently parental nonacceptance stretches from corner to bigotrious corner of the animal kingdom. And hey, when your only friend is a gay poriferan & his touched echinoderm lover, you're masking your lesbian ways as well as Jodi Foster dollar-beer-binging at the Metropolitan's Dyke Night.

A joke:
Q) Why did the female cartoon squirrel die during the winter?
A) She had no affinity for nuts.
Also, this is not a joke.

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