Thursday, September 06, 2007

An Open Letter

Dear Kyle XY,

There's no denying it any longer: you are the guiltiest of guilty pleasures.

A, I get lost within Matt Dallas' eyes whenever he's on screen. He's like a blank canvas. He's like a brick wall. He's like a stoic alien/clone/old dude you want to nurture in your bathtub until the FEDS come. Even then, you're glad his deep blue eyes were there to sing the saddies away. B, even though you're an ABC Family original series, you don't shy away from the occasional masturbation reference...and I respect that. Even better, you point out (and constantly remind us) that every high school boy has a porn addiction...which they do. You go, ABC Family. You go all the way past the pillow, under the mattress, and inside the discreet black plastic bag I told my mom contained deodorant, #2 pencils, & that week's copy of TV Guide because Jewel was "out of their regular bags." Yes, you even go there. C, you're mysterious. Like, so mysterious. Who are you, Kyle?
You've entered my life and I cannot let you go. Last summer? This summer? It's all the same! You pull me into your web of bellybuttonlessness with promises of clones or aliens or ghosts mixed with teen-aged angst and family drama and the occasional cancer bit and you do.not.let.go.

Never let me go, Kyle XY. Never let me go.

I think I love you,
William

P.S. Don't tell Dawson's Creek. He wouldn't understand.

2 comments:

Michelle said...

"You go all the way past the pillow, under the mattress, and inside the discreet black plastic bag I told my mom contained deodorant, #2 pencils, & that week's copy of TV Guide because Jewel was 'out of their regular bags.'"

I laughed out loud so hard at this part. I love you.

-William said...

That sentence took, no joke, a good portion of an hour to formulate correctly, and I'm still not completely happy with it.

I got it!

It should read: "You go all the way past the pillow, under the mattress, and inside the discreet black plastic bag mom thought contained several #2 pencils & that week's copy of TV Guide because Jewel was 'out of their regular bags.'"